George Saunders on kindness…

He has long been one of my favorite American writers. His book, Tenth of December, is so worth your time.

And if you’ve read it, you won’t be surprised at the stories he told when he delivered the commencement address at Syracuse University this spring.

He speaks about kindness in the most poignant and personal way:

“Here’s something I do regret.”

“In 7th grade this new kid joined out class…Ellen was small, shy. She wore these blue cat’s-eye glasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore. When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it.”

“So she came to our school and our neighborhood, and was mostly ignored, occasionally teased (‘Your hair taste good?’ – that sort of thing). I could see this hurt her. I still remember the way she’d look after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked, as if, having just been reminded of her place in things, she was trying, as much as possible, to disappear. After awhile she’d drift away, hair-strand still in her mouth. At home, I imagined, after school, her mother would say, you know: ‘How was your day, sweetie?’ and she’d say, ‘Oh, fine.’ And her mother would say, ‘Making any friends?’ and she’d go, ‘Sure, lots.’

“Sometimes I’d see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it.”

“And then — they moved. That was it. No tragedy, no big final hazing.”

“One day she was there, the next day she wasn’t.”

“End of story.”

“Now, why do I recall that? Why, forty-two years later, am I still thinking about it? Relative to most of the other kids, I was actually pretty nice to her. I never said an unkind word to her. In fact, I sometimes even (mildly) defended her.”

“But still. It bothers me.”

“So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it.:

“What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.”

“Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded…sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.”

“Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?”

“Those who were kindest to you, I bet.”

“It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.”

That’s the tease, His full speech can be read by clicking HERE.

It’s not long especially because he writes so beautifully that even his speeches are better read than heard. But if you prefer hearing, I’m including the Youtube video below.

He may have been standing in front of the Class of 2013 at Syracuse, but he was speaking to me…