So much of my life here is precarious. I cannot always believe even in my work.
But I have come in these last days to feel again the validity of my struggle here, that it is meaningful whether I ever “succeed” as a writer or not, and that even its failures, failures of nerve, failures due to a difficult temperament, can be meaningful.
It is an age where more and more human beings are caught up in lives where fewer and fewer inward decisions can be made, where fewer and fewer real choices exist.
The fact that a middle-aged, single woman, without any vestige of family left, lives in this house in a silent village and is responsible only to her own soul means something.
The fact that she is a writer and can tell where she is and what it is like on the pilgrimage inward can be of comfort.
It is comforting to know there are lighthouse keepers on rocky islands along the coast.
Sometimes, when I have been for a walk after dark and see my house lighted up, looking so alive, I feel that my presence here is worth all the Hell.